Today I went out to lunch with a group of people and was seated at a table of nine. The room we were in was tiny and crowded so it was easy to hear what people ordered and see their food when it was served. I am discovering that I am very envious of folks that eat bacon, sausage, cheese, and, yes, egg yolks. In fact, I had all I could do to keep from displaying some very crude table behavior, which is unlike me. Why, I had to resist the urge to take my fork and steal a sausage link. I had to make my hand stay in my lap instead of snatching the bacon strip from my neighbor's plate. And, worst, of all, I nearly took my toast point and plunged it into the gooey, soft, and warm egg yolk across the table from me. This is all while I am feigning enjoyment of my fake-egg omelet, with spinach and covered with a side-order of salsa.
Now, do not misunderstand me. As a self-cholesterol-reducing crusader, most of the time I would consider my fake-egg or egg-white omelet with spinach, salsa, and, if I'm feeling especially adventuresome, soy-based imitation bacon bits, delicious. Or, at least, that is what I publicly proclaim. But, according to the book that says I should eat what my knuckle-dragging ancestors ate, I am supposed to be able to eat meat and eggs. Where is the fairness in that?
Lastly, while on the topic of forbidden foods, may I say that the soy-based fake ice cream that I am now destined to eat cannot hold a candle to the real, fat-laden ice cream that the others at my lunch table ordered for dessert. You better believe that I bolted out of there before those orders came. The hand holding my spoon was trembling!
