I sense more mayhem and this type could be a bit more problematic than Mayan Mayhem. National Public Radio's "All Things Considered" ran a segment this past week about the positive effects for teens who argue with their parents.
Yes, you read that correctly. "the positive effects for teens who argue with their parents"
I think I would be hard-pressed to find parents who would initially say they found arguing with their teen(s) useful or beneficial in any way. At first blush, if I ran across a parent who insisted that there were pluses to arguing with their teens, I'd check their coffee cup dregs for traces of alcohol or some other controlled substances. The article took me back to my days as a parent of teens and as a classroom teacher of tweens and teens.
Teens argue......at least most of them do. Drawing on my years in the classroom, I can remember differing levels of arguing or "talking back". Some teens are more skilled in manipulating a "conversation" with an adult who is in a position of authority - be it a teacher or a parent. Highly skilled teens (and I do believe that these teens know exactly what they are doing and how they get their way) can smile, coax, cajole and perhaps even connive their way to a "yes" conclusion. If the adult is wired into what is happening, that person may "choose their battle(s)" and acquiesce to the request or demand of the teen. Sometimes it is all about letting the other side "win". The "yes" can come to a question regarding something that by saying "yes", nothing negative, earth-shattering, or dangerous could or would happen. Sometimes the adult is wise to save the "no" for when it really counts.
Other teens are very poor at arguing. The NPR segment showcased a recently published University of Virginia study, headed by a psychologist and published in the journal Child Development. One of the conclusions of the study was that parents who argued constructively with their teens had children who were more insulated and protected against negative peer pressure. Perhaps the teens who argue less successfully with adults in authority are not being taught to argue constructively at home. Then again, how many parents can, in the heat of "the battle" step back and say to themselves, "I am the adult here. I should not be reduced to the level of an impassioned and partial teenager. Therefore, I shall train my teenager to argue constructively."? Maybe in a research environment such as the study conducted by the U. of Virginia, but in real life?
On the other hand...............I can see the value of teaching our young people the fine art of negotiating. After all, just about every day, in every situation and in every relationship there come multiple moments where the art of negotiating is what is needed to produce harmonious, meaningful, and productive outcomes - whether it be at school, the office, at home, with friends, with enemies, frenemies, the world stage or closer to home.
Fascinating study and concept. I wonder if the psychologist who headed the research has children?
I'm just sayin'.
Ancora imparo
