Actual conversation overheard at the grocery store today:
Woman One: Hey, there. Fancy finding you here today. I thought you were headed to Spa Diablo? (Fictitious name I made up.)
Woman Two: Oh, I was supposed to be there today but I canceled my appointment.
Woman One: Bummer. How come?
Woman Two: Well, the kids' soccer practice got changed to tonight, after school, and my sitter
wasn't available to take them and I said yes to baking cookies for the Girl Scouts'
meeting and....
Woman One: Hold on there, girlfriend, you've been looking forward to your get-a-way day for
weeks now.
Woman Two: I know but suddenly everything fell apart and John had to work late tonight
and....
Woman One: Hold on there, girlfriend, but this was supposed to time for you....remember?
Woman Two: I know, I know but who else was going to be me?
Woman Two looked tired, hurried, frustrated, and was on the verge of tears. Her response, "Who else was going to be me?", resonated somewhere deep within me and gave me great pause for consideration throughout the remainder of my grocery-store shopping time. Although my days of parenting younger children have long since passed, I can still empathize with her reply to her friend's reminder that the day was supposed to be hers and hers alone.
Women.....and men.....periodically fall victim to the predatory climate we humans often find ourselves in, when we feel we cannot say "no", or "not today", or "I'm really sorry but I have a previous commitment." Since when is a commitment to ourselves one that should more readily and easily be broken than that of a commitment to others?
The "me" in "Who else is supposed to be me?" is only one person, with one set of shoulders, only two hands and a finite amount of energy that can only be restored by sleep. Having said that, I realize that there are times and areas in our lives where "no" is not so easily uttered, but does that mean that we must remain 'belly-up', like a dog in a submissive posture?
There is no easy, quick, clear, or right answer to my own question. Each of us has to set boundaries for ourselves but then it is incumbent on each individual....an no one else....to determine when, for what and for whom exceptions will be made.
Life is complicated, isn't it?
Ancora imparo
