As I sat here waiting, not all that patiently, for this slow internet server to spring to life.....any life....I realized that I had clicked on blogger.com about ten to twelve times, as if constant clicking, with my cursor, would speed up the sequence. Of course, it did not and I know that....somewhere in my reptilian brain, but by clicking my mouse's cursor I at least felt as if I was doing something about the problem.
Since the whole process of logging on to blogger.com and actually seeing my dashboard took about fifteen minutes, I had some time to ponder my impatience, its implications and its influence on me and other ways I display impatience besides over-clicking my mouse.
It wasn't too hard to identify other impatient manifestations........like going to the mailbox more than once to see if the mail has been delivered.....opening up the oven door too often to check on the pan of cookies' progress.....frequently signing on to the internet to check email (I won't embarrass myself and define 'frequently').....taking the lid off the slow-cooker repeatedly to ascertain whether the contents are hot.......
And, yet, I do realize that every time I open the oven door or lift the Crockpot's lid, I am simply releasing heat and thereby prolonging the time it takes to finish cooking or baking food. Does the pizza really bake faster if I repeatedly open the oven door to check on the crust's 'doneness'? I KNOW it doesn't but I feel better, as if by somehow being actively involved, in a kinesthetic way, I can actuate the process.
Perhaps I'll take a step back and look at taking my hand off the 'cursor' on my life and try to let it come at a more natural pace rather than the forced speed that I think it should operate at.
This could be hard.
Ancora imparo
