I seldom feel an overpowering sense of overwhelming defeat. To be sure, like most humans, there have been times in my life when I felt overwhelmed, usually regarding some relatively inane event like a big concert, a party, or my masters' project. Everything is relative and I realize that feeling overwhelmed about concerts, parties, and projects pales in comparison to death, disease, and poor health. The healthy human mind can, over time, process seemingly overwhelming feelings with order and organization to the point where the individual can ride the tidal wave to sense and sensibility, thereby restoring an atmosphere of comparative peace and inner harmony.
Zen.
At the moment, my sense of feeling overwhelmed is well, overwhelming. No, this will not be a kiss-and-tell or a point-and-shoot post, but I am going to give voice to a growing personal sense of dis-ease and I do not believe that I am alone.
Oddly enough, my desire to remain up-to-date and connected to the news of the world is what is fueling my mounting discontent and overpowering notion that somehow, my foundation feels as if it is built on sinking sand.
I've written about my disillusionment with the health-care system and the unheard and ignored plight of those of us unlucky enough to have chosen to provide ourselves with self-insurance. An umbrella of fear hangs over our heads on a regular basis with absolutely NO ONE who cares one whit that our insurance can be canceled with little, if any, recourse or that our rates can be raised at will, once again with little, if any, recourse. It is, as if, we (this is a corporate 'we') deserve to be punished simply because we have chosen to include a monthly payment in our budgets for health insurance. Add to that the huge catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico.......an environmental and wildlife tragedy of epic proportions, with hourly and daily media reminders, warnings, predictions and alarms. My sense of rage at the ruination of untold and under-estimated habitats, environments, and livelihoods grows exponentially each day. The final insult-to-injury came in the local newspaper's lead story about the lack of solvency of our fine state's pension system.......one that I had been counting on to provide a possible health insurance solution for at least myself.
Overload.
Dashed hopes, mounting finality..........it is almost more than my psyche can process and, to repeat myself, I do not think I am alone. In fact, I know I am not alone in this morass that I feel is surrounding me/us. Overwhelmed or underjoyed - the effect is the same.
There is only one place I can go to escape and that is on my knees. I think my callouses will be thick.
Ancora imparo
