Dear Readers:
It is with humility and amazement that I share my astounding news with you.
Early this morning I was awakened by phone from Europe, informing me that I have been awarded the 2009 Pythagoras Award for Mathematics. When the phone call ended, my SO appeared both proud and troubled. He hugged me and expressed surprise, neither of us realizing that I had been in consideration for the coveted award. Feeling slightly embarrassed and overwhelmed,I paused for a moment to consider how he must feel. For, you see, he is a brilliant mathematician, while I, on the other hand, am still struggling to accept the Order of Operations, with which I do not agree. I believe it is the very public discourse on which I have set, regarding the clumsy and unrealistic tenets of the Order of Operations, that brought the globe's attention to my work and, thusly, the World Council of Mathematicians, whose job it is to ferret out deserving individuals such as myself.
Later this year my family and I will travel to the tiny island of Samos, off the coast of Turkey, where Pythagoras spent his early years. In a tiny shack, walls filled with Pythagorean Theory, (that my SO and son will explain to me) I will receive this prestigious award. I am certain that I should feel a sense of chagrin and sheepishness having this honor bestowed up me, one who decries the existence of math almost daily, but I will smile broadly and deliver my exceptionally written speech - a speech that is sure to leave the world a better place.
Next year I anticipate receiving the 2010 World Oration Award. When I do, you'll be the first to know.
I will sign off, for I now need surgery to repair the hole in my cheek, caused by the force of my tongue protruding from it.
Ancora imparo
