Interestingly enough, since my first post about belonging, one of the women involved in the coffee conversation called to talk with me. I had the opportunity to ask her for any further reflections on the original discussion. She had plenty to say and I found it most insightful.
She mused, as I had, that the feeling of belonging is irretrievably tied to the ability to accept others as they are and where they......not WHO they are.......and she emphasized WHO. Her experience has been that she does not feel as if she belongs in this group she's been spending time with because when she's with them she needs to be someone that she cannot be. She went on to say that she had been trying to become a different person simply to fit in and that she found herself increasingly frustrated - not only with herself but with the group. She also found that when she was herself it was not the image that the group self-portrayed and that she felt so disingenuous that she has decided to stop spending time with the group and its individuals.
After we ended our conversation I took some time to muse about her feelings and observations. While our conversation was upbeat and filled with laughter, I realized that the topic was quite serious and carried, for me, significant import. I had to ask myself if I have ever been a person who tried to fit into a group that was not for me (yes) and had I ever been part of a group that did not welcome and wholeheartedly accept another for who he or she was/is. Sadly, I did recognize that I have been a part of that scenario as well.
I don't have any answers or wisdom to impart to anyone else on this topic of belonging, but I do hope that I can carry a reserve of awareness about my own behavior with and toward others who might be slightly or dramatically different from me.
All that comes to my mind at present is: Due onto others as...........
Ancora imparo
